From 922ff8ba36287e04e126f9a12e1a41ad9b7d2963 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Frederick Yin Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2023 20:19:01 +0800 Subject: New post: ham/wartime --- docs/ham/wartime.md | 103 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 103 insertions(+) create mode 100644 docs/ham/wartime.md (limited to 'docs/ham/wartime.md') diff --git a/docs/ham/wartime.md b/docs/ham/wartime.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..36ac576 --- /dev/null +++ b/docs/ham/wartime.md @@ -0,0 +1,103 @@ +# How Your Ham Radio Can Help You in Wartime + +2023-04-27 + +_Note: This post is satirical. Please do not actually do this in a crisis. +It is advised that you never do this in peacetime, either._ + +The radio amateur is patriotic. As ham radio operators, we are prepared to +fight for our country in case of invasion. What makes us different from +ordinary people is our skills and equipment. Here is how they can help you +in wartime. + +## ICOM 7300 + +![Rectangular box with fancy front panel](img/wartime/7300.jpg) + +Few can match ICOM in build quality. This Japanese radio manufacturer is +known to make products that last. Mere shockwaves and bulletshells simply +cannot kill it. Solid as a rock, the ICOM 7300 is your perfect choice +whenever you need some height, weight, or both. Can't jump because you +lost a leg? No problem! Just step on your ICOM 7300, and get that aspirin +in the medicine cabinet. Afraid that the nuclear shockwave might dismantle +your tent? Just put four of them in the corners, and sleep like a baby +— nothing's gonna blow away 15 kilograms today! + +## Yaesu FT5DR + +![Radio with a long antenna](img/wartime/ft5dr.jpg) + +Fabulous as it is, your trusty ICOM 7300 is not always there when you need +it. Sometimes all you have is a portable radio, like the renowned Yaesu +FT5DR. + +So how can the FT5DR help you at the face of an invader? It's simple, but +requires a fair amount of agility and precision. If you ever find yourself +cornered, install the antenna, grip the FT5DR firmly, and stab them. If +you hit them at the right spot, they will bleed, and drop their weapon. +This is your chance to escape. + +__Bonus point!__ The FT5DR is IPX7 waterproof, which ensures the blood of +your enemy does not damage the inner circuit board. + +## Baofeng UV-5R + +![Radio with a black plastic chassis](img/wartime/uv5r.jpg) + +The UV-5R is a budget mobile transceiver, rated 5W and covering VHF and +UHF bands. Priced at $20, it is truly one of the most affordable beginner +models, and there exists plenty of documentation, including schematics. +This makes it an ideal choice for crafting IEDs. Once you have your +detonator set up, leave it on the doorsteps of your enemy and wait for the +dynamite to blow up. + +Also, if you don't plan to make IEDs, the UV-5R makes a great flashlight. + +## Kenwood TS-890S + +![Wide radio box with a color LCD and lotta knobs](img/wartime/ts890s.jpg) + +We saved the best for the last. What makes Kenwood stand out among its +competitors is its experience in not only ham radio, but also professional +hi-fi audio and entertainment systems. It is a venerable company in all +these markets. + +Kenwood makes hundreds of impressive products, and this model is no +exception. It transmits over HF at 100W, operates on CW, RTTY and PSK, and +has a fancy live spectrum monitor screen. Under ideal conditions, your +signal can reach any corner of the world. + +When you find yourself direly injured and none of the therapies seem to +work, your Kenwood TS-890S can help you. First, wipe the blood off your +hand because you don't want a short circuit in any of the connectors. +Then, go somewhere to die alone. You don't want your radio waves to draw +hostile forces to your squadmates. + +Using the last minutes of your life, key out your callsign one last time. +Your fingers might not be as swift, but your Kenwood compensates for it +with near-perfect fidelity, even across continents. Broadcast your final +message to the world over the air. Your friends will hear you. Your +enemies will hear you. The intel agencies will hear you. People sitting in +office chairs will not hear you, but if you try hard enough someone will +complain to them about you. The message may consist of only a few words, +such as "GM HR IS [your name] GOODBYE WORLD 73". + +## Purpose of this overcomplicated shitpost + +I once saw a similarly titled article written by a ham who took themselves +too seriously. In a war, either enlist and use the army stuff (which is +better quality than most amateur rig anyway), or be a civilian and shut +the fuck up. + +You should never expose your location to invaders. Unfortunately, the +antenna of a radio does exactly that. The only scenario where I would push +the PTT button is if I fell into a hole, and radio is the only way out. +Otherwise, there is absolutely no reason to help your enemy triangulate +your air raid shelter. + +## Image credits + +- [Baofeng UV-5R](https://www.baofengradio.com/products/uv-5r) +- [Yaesu FT5DR](https://www.gpscentral.ca/product/yaesu-ft5dr/) +- [ICOM 7300](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01C95F56M) +- [Kenwood TS-890S](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07K1MHR48) -- cgit v1.2.3