Add shitpost: The Egg is Flat

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+# The Egg is Flat
+
+2022-04-12
+
+Good evening, everyone. What shape do you think the Egg is? Yes, you in
+the back? Excuse me? Can you talk louder please? Teardrop, I hear you say?
+Oh, a few voices say oval. Anything similar between these two shapes? Yes.
+None of you said "spherical" or anything with a third dimension. Teardrop
+is a planar shape. So is oval. You can draw them on a sheet of paper. Here
+is an artistic rendering of a typical Egg:
+
+![](img/flat_egg/egg_drawing.jpg)
+
+Notice anything? The Egg [clicks pointer] is flat.
+
+OK, I know you have questions. You've seen Eggs, right? Y'all have, at one
+point in life, ever held an Egg in your hands. So have I. But the
+difference between you and I, when we are presented the Egg, is that I am
+the only one who thinks.
+
+By "think" I don't mean worthless questions only sheep will ask, such as
+how to make cake. I mean philosophical questions. Like, do you think twice
+about the blatant government propaganda that the Egg is "round"? I bet you
+don't, which is why I'm here to give you a chance to think again. Inhale
+deeply, and connect your consciousness with your Deity of choice. Any
+Deity, except the Deity of Deception, will tell you with set-in-stone
+certainty: It's actually flat.
+
+Let's do a simple experiment with household items. Find an Egg, a plate
+and a basketball. Drop the Egg on the ground. It breaks. Drop the
+basketball. It bounces right back. Then drop the plate. It breaks, as did
+the Egg. This is concrete evidence that the Egg is more similar to
+a plate, which is flat, than to a basketball, which is spherical.
+Conclusion: The Egg is flat.
+
+An Egg can seem to roll off your kitchen table, but in reality, it is
+because of the turtles below it, whose means of locomotion remains
+a mystery but no further evidence other than this blurry photo taken in
+2008 is needed to prove their existence. And has anyone seen a turtle
+carry spherical stuff? No, it would slide right off. Turtles can only
+carry flat things. Ipso facto, the Egg must be flat.
+
+![](img/flat_egg/turtle_egg.jpg)
+
+Please don't call me a skeptic. My attitude towards an Egg-related opinion
+is not always skepticism. I am open to new ideas, as long as they appear
+in the Bible at least once or on my favorite blog, Miss Interpretations,
+written by Karen White. I might doubt you for a minute or two as I flip
+through the Bible trying to find the sentence which seems to be in your
+version only, but as soon as you present me two pieces of evidence, which
+is more than enough to prove any biblical fact regardless of their
+relevance to the subject, I will accept your theory and defend it. In
+fact, this was how I was enlightened in the first place. At first, I was
+an innocent sheep like most of you, unaware that the "Round Egg" is
+a deliberate hoax made up by the Government, the NSA, the Illuminati and
+Target, tricking everyone in the pocket of Big Ova.
+
+But the Flat Egg Society approached me. Last April Dave, a very handsome
+young man from Alabama, who drives a rusty pickup truck sporting
+a confederate flag and a Blue Lives Matter sticker, spoke to me the truth.
+I could not sleep that night. I couldn't help thinking about the sinister
+masterplan that was hiding in my fridge. I couldn't fall asleep with them
+in my house, so I left them in my backyard. The next morning, they were
+gone. I asked my nextdoor neighbor, but they said they didn't take them.
+Then who did? Who was spying on me that day, the exact same day when
+I learnt the truth, and confiscated from me their tool of indoctrination
+in the middle of the night? And can you imagine how many fellow Flat
+Eggers are under constant surveillance?
+
+This is it, brothers and sisters, this is it. No longer shall the Big Ova
+mess with our true, holy, not-skewed-at-all perception of the world!
+Together we unite, together we are power! We the Flat Eggers will spread
+the truth, and end this deep state propaganda! The Egg Is Flat!
+
+## Thank you.
+
+Thank you for reading the entirety of my shitpost. I began writing this on
+April 1, 2022 because I was drunk. I failed to finish it because I was
+drunk. It is April 12, and out of many things I could do I'm writing flat
+earther satire. This went too far. Help me.
+
+## Credits
+
+- [A chicken egg, by NIAID](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:An_Egg_\(32970626574\).jpg)
+- [Red-eared slider turtle, by Kateryna Martyniuk](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Red-eared_slider_turtle_04.jpg)
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diff --git a/docs/shitpost/img/flat_egg/turtle_egg_hq.jpg b/docs/shitpost/img/flat_egg/turtle_egg_hq.jpg
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diff --git a/docs/shitpost/index.md b/docs/shitpost/index.md
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@@ -9,3 +9,4 @@ precious time you could've spent more wisely elsewhere:
 - [Haiku collection](haiku)
 - [Rousseau and Schopenhauer walk into a bar](rousseau_and_schopenhauer)
 - [Extreme Boredom Has Driven Me Into Playing Pokemon Sword](pokemon_sword)
+- [The Egg is Flat](flat_egg)