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+# 2024-04-05
+
+Written 2024-04-06
+
+Yesterday I:
+
+- Bought a bicycle
+- Attended a fairy tale discussion
+- Went to an iDKHOW concert
+
+Each of these deserves its permanent record so I'm writing it right here.
+
+## Bicycle Deal
+
+### Craigslist
+
+In March I was tempted to buy a bicycle. Reasons:
+
+- My 373 project is related to cycling
+- I'm bored of walking all the time
+- Cycling is an excuse of not going to the gym
+
+I tried my roommate's bicycle earlier; it was rusty and the tires were
+flat. Honestly I have no idea how strong his legs are if he actually
+managed to propel this megatron of a bike. I asked him where he got it,
+and he said craigslist. He met the seller outside Panda Express, north
+campus, and paid $85.
+
+There were three bikes on craigslist I was interested in: a mountain bike,
+a road bike, and a cruiser. The road bike is slightly cheaper, but the
+wheels seem too narrow to handle any adverse weather.
+
+I reached out to Ed (W8EMV) on fedi for advice. He recommended mountain
+bikes and told me about a bike repair co-op.
+
+So on 2024-03-20, I shot an email to the seller of the mountain bike. It
+was a Schwinn listed at $95. He responded the next day.
+
+(Shoutout to craigslist for not requiring an account. The entire
+conversation was done via email.)
+
+I told him I don't have a car so I prefer to meet somewhere walkable from
+me. We agreed on Kroger. We originally had planned to meet at the weekend
+(2024-03-30 and -31) but my landlord decided the immediate Monday
+(2024-04-01) was a good time to rip off the carpet and install some kind
+of vinyl floor. Besides, I bought a U-lock on ebay and it's not here till
+Monday.
+
+We postponed the trade to 2024-04-05.
+
+### The trade
+
+I showed up 20 minutes too early, so I entered Kroger to buy a small
+amount of groceries. The seller, Chris, arrived at 09:15 and brought me to
+his car, from which he unmounted the bike.
+
+Chris drove here from Grand Rapids, and is on his way to Detroit to see
+something related to the Detroit Tigers. I told him I was going to Detroit
+the same evening as well, to St. Andrew's Hall.
+
+He bought the bike for his son originally, but he never really rode it.
+"Bad for him, good for me," I said.
+
+I heard dogs barking. He explained that it was his two dogs in carriers.
+
+I asked him if he trusted me to give the bike a test ride around the
+parking lot. He said yes, so that's what I did. He just sat back in his
+car.
+
+The bike was like the smoothest thing I've ever rode. The brakes work
+perfectly. The tires were full, there was almost no defect, functional or
+cosmetic. Say no more, I'm taking this baby.
+
+I opened my wallet and counted 90 dollars. He stopped me right there. He
+said, "It's good. Go buy yourself something to eat."
+
+And that is how I got an almost new bike for $90.
+
+### The lock
+
+After I got the bike, the plan was:
+
+- Ride directly to north campus
+- Lock bike to campus bike rack
+- Attend lab
+- Ride home and lock to apartment bike rack
+
+But the lock was delayed. It _was_ in Detroit; then somehow it went to
+Alabama. I had to ride home and carry it to my bedroom, before walking to
+the lab.
+
+## Fairy tale discussion
+
+The topic was Romanticism. I wasn't a fan of this topic because it's not
+super relatable.
+
+Romanticism was born as a critical response to the Enlightenment, or the
+age of reason. Contrary to the science and rationality of Enlightenment,
+Romanticism focused on the spiritual: human emotions, especially the
+negative ones, called the "Nachtseite" (night side).
+
+We discussed the Byronic hero, who is sick of the rational and feels
+wanderlust, melancholy, misanthropy, and alienation.
+
+We were asked to come up with examples in popular media. Mine was Jesus of
+Suburbia, the protagonist of Green Day's _American Idiot_ (2004) who
+escapes the suburbs to seek a new life in the city. Eventually, he finds
+nothing and comes back home. Notable examples of Romantic emotion:
+
+- "American Idiot": misanthropy. He is disgusted by a society "controlled
+  by the media". Also the word "alienation" is literally in the chorus.
+- "Jesus of Suburbia": wanderlust. The whole song the titular character
+  curses society for its faults, which builds up to his final decision to
+  leave home to find what he believes.
+- "Are We the Waiting" and "Whatsername": melancholy. Just… listen to it.
+
+My professor, Laura Okkema, relates to the Byronic hero, from her
+experience of being alienated in American family gatherings. When I heard
+it I just treated it as a light-hearted story. Big mistake; read on.
+
+## iDKHOW
+
+### Timeline
+
+- 15:50 - I board the D2A2 bus at Blake Transit Center, Ann Arbor
+- 16:00 - The bus departs
+- 16:10 - I saw some cows
+- 16:50 - The bus arrives at Grand Circus Park, Detroit
+- 17:15 - I queue up in a parking lot behind St. Andrew's Hall*
+- 19:20 - I finally get into the venue
+- 20:00 - The opening act [Farhall](https://farhallmusic.com/) performs
+- 21:00 - iDKHOW performs
+- 22:30 - Show ends
+- 22:55 - I board the bus back to AA
+- 23:05 - The bus departs
+- 23:55 - The bus arrives at BTC
+- 00:?? - I board the Bursley-Baits bus from CCTC to Bursley
+- 00:30 - I come home
+
+\* Note: the venue is technically The Shelter, part of SAH
+
+### Waiting outside
+
+From 17:15 to 19:20, I waited outside. There were 20 or so people in the
+line. A bunch of Detroit Tigers fans were vibing in a big tent nearby, in
+a parking lot. The DJ put on some really loud hip hop.
+
+I like hip hop. But the TR-808 was nonstop, and the synth bass was
+indistinguishable from seismic waves. If you know me, I like dynamics, and
+loud music for two hours is not dynamic. I hope they're having fun because
+I sure am not.
+
+I scanned the crowd. There were around 100 people, and probably one third
+of them wore some sort of merch. A handful had VIP badges, and stood in
+a different lane. I'm cool with that.
+
+At one random moment Dallon (iDKHOW's only permanent member rn) walked out
+of nowhere and the crowd cheered.
+
+A guy stood behind me. His name is Andy and is from MSU, a graduate
+student in physics, doing nucleus stuff. He discovered the band in the
+pandemic and just randomly found out they were touring last month, so he
+bought a ticket. I wish I could afford resale tickets that's like 5x the
+face value.
+
+He's totally chill, just having a casual Friday evening. He's not like
+other fans. He did not know what the band's prior album is called. And
+that's ok; I hate gatekeeping.
+
+I forgot to have my ticket ready at the entrance, so I wasted five minutes
+and ~20 people got ahead of me. As a consequence, I lost Andy and was
+forced to spend the rest of the show alone.
+
+### Waiting inside
+
+Inside the venue a merch stall sold overpriced T-shirts and jackets.
+I didn't bust my wallet. I headed to the restroom. The urinator was a wide
+tub of ice (?) and apparently you can piss in it???
+
+So anyway I joined the pit. It was dim af but there was something worse.
+
+Music.
+
+Music was blasting through all the loudspeakers. It was again nonstop,
+crossfading into one another. I absolutely hate the vibes. The worst part
+is the song that sampled a revolver. It goes like:
+
+> *barrel roll* bang bang bang  
+> *barrel roll* bang bang bang
+
+On the other hand, one could argue that the song is, quite literally,
+fire.
+
+If I made music, the worst thing you could do with it is play it before
+a show. I've never heard of it. It's not live. I did not consent to it.
+Good songs become mediocre and average songs become shit.
+
+I put on my earplugs.
+
+### Farhall
+
+The Benches, who were supposed to open for iDKHOW, were sick so Farhall
+came last minute. Their voice is beautiful but unfortunately I was unable
+to make out the lyrics. Genre-wise, it's indie pop.
+
+### iDKHOW
+
+After another forty minutes of miserable waiting, iDKHOW's touring members
+came up stage followed by Dallon. They opened with a rather interesting
+choice: "SPKOTHDVL" (speak of the devil), not a lead single. The first
+line is "Your front page boy is finally here". Yeah Dallon sure you are.
+
+The new record is titled _GLOOM DIVISION_ and there were explicit songs,
+topic or lyrics. It was the first time he sang "fuck" and "bitch", and one
+song was literally about sex. About three times at the show he advised the
+audience below 25 to "cover your ears". lmao I'm wearing earplugs.
+
+Little by little I pulled out the earplugs because I can't hear the crowd
+and it blocked high frequencies. I removed them during my favorite songs,
+and put them halfway back in during others.
+
+My favorite song played live is ["A
+Letter"](https://thebrobecks.bandcamp.com/track/a-letter), written before
+iDKHOW's formation, when Dallon was in the band The Brobecks. He said it
+was the band's "least popular song" if you look at the numbers. But he
+added it was the best. I agree.
+
+He split the crowd in half and instructed both sides to harmonize. He said
+it was like church. It was indeed majestic.
+
+In the middle of "Visitation of the Ghost", also a Brobecks song, he split
+an aisle and walked down the middle while the crowd repeated the line "oh
+my lord, lord lord lord". I'm an atheist so the one I was referring to was
+actually the New Zealand singer.
+
+Generally, the crowd knew the lyrics to older songs better, and I'm guilty
+of that.
+
+Dallon casually admitted to sampling a car horn in the ending track,
+"iDIOTS OF Oz". We have achieved peak [xkcd #780](https://xkcd.com/780/).
+
+Over the duration of the show, Dallon threw two picks, but neither was in
+my range.
+
+### The cringeworthy story of my PCBs
+
+Warning: this story is cringe. If we ever meet in person, even if we're
+friends, you are _not allowed_ to bring up this story.
+
+<details markdown="1">
+<summary>You have been warned</summary>
+
+Last month I trained myself to use the Bantam CNC. I milled [9 iDKHOW
+logos on a PCB](../projects/idkhow-pcb.md) and announced on Reddit that
+I would be happy to give them out.
+
+Only one person replied they would be coming. I told them my clothing and
+location, but they were late. So I just stood there surrounded by
+strangers, snatching the ziploc in my hand, hoping someone asks me what
+they are.
+
+Do you identify my fatal mistake? Yes — PCBs are a novel souvenir and I am
+not socially competent enough to just hand them out to strangers. My nerd
+brain had assumed that everyone would be dazzled by the beauty of copper,
+but everyone was just minding their own business.
+
+The problem was the fucking hip hop DJ. If there were no loud music,
+I could have made a conversation in a break of silence. But in retrospect,
+there is no evidence that I could pull that off.
+
+The real issue is they came in pairs, even groups, and they're constantly
+talking. I could not join their clique, or it wouldn't be a clique.
+
+I tried Andy, who also came alone. He wasn't interested, and it would be
+offensive to force anyone to take it. So I put them back in my pocket.
+I was like sure, why not hand it out inside? It should be quiet there.
+
+NOPE
+
+I tried a guy next to me. I said "hey man, may I interest you with some
+souvenir?" And he was like "no I'm good".
+
+At this very moment I have fucked up. I sounded like a shady tour guide.
+There is no convenient way in the English language to express a lack of
+profit incentive, without building implicit trust with the person. That
+takes time and conversation, but again the loud music forbids it. So fuck
+you, music-through-the-loudspeaker-blaster.
+
+After the opening act was done, a dad who was the guardian for his
+daughter approached me to ask me whether I enjoyed it. I was compelled to
+say yes. And as if it wasn't awkward enough, I offered my PCB.
+
+I said, "Oh that reminds me, you can have one of these. I made them
+myself."
+
+He declined without even looking at them. And that was the correct choice.
+
+I was a stranger. And the default option, when meeting a stranger, is to
+not accept anything.
+
+Hey, can you bring back the revolver song? Because I want to die.
+
+All I wanted, at that point in time, is to get rid of the ziploc. Even
+flushing it in the toilet would bring me relief. But copper and fiberglass
+do not belong in residential sewage.
+
+Basically I tried to drag myself as far away from the two people I talked
+to as possible, but it was so crowded I could hardly move. So I was pinned
+in this awkward location the entire show.
+
+It was distilled alienation.
+
+I admitted defeat and carried the ziploc back home. Every time I lay my
+eyes on it, it incites violent thoughts.
+
+It's the Nachtseite.
+</details>
+
+### The Nachtseite
+
+On my way home, I sent this email to my professor.
+
+>Hi Laura,
+>
+>I'm back from the Detroit show. This is the first live music event I ever
+>attended outside campus. The one and a half hour where they actually
+>performed was fire, so you can be assured I'm ok.
+>
+>But the four hours of waiting was traumatic. I was one of the few who
+>came alone. I had imagined music would "bring us all together", but they
+>had their own cliques and there was no humanly possible way to tap into
+>a conversation without coming off as cringe. I feel alienated.
+>
+>The venue tortured my ears with music. Not bad, just unnecessarily loud.
+>At one point I wished I could trace back to the studio to physically
+>slash the drumhead. I feel misanthropy.
+>
+>At first I pretended to have a good time, but soon I stopped bothering.
+>Bored (the irony is that their closing track is called "Boring") and
+>wishing to teleport somewhere else. I feel melancholy *and* wanderlust.
+>
+>Clearly I've felt the Nachtseite (again ironically, they played a song
+>called "Sunnyside"). It seems like I'm the Byronic romanticist hero, but
+>as the show began, I returned to rationality because I know what is going
+>on. Emotionally I'm not attached to the band and their early songs, and
+>it feels like I'm the Clara in the room.
+>
+>Perhaps whether someone is a romanticist or enlightenment-ist can change
+>depending on circumstance? Or, one could be both, at the same moment?
+>
+>also I'm having tinnitus.
+>
+>Yours,
+>Frederick Yin
+
+Note: Clara is a character in ETA Hoffmann's "The Sandman". She is always
+rational in the story.
+
+This email was composed partly on the bus, and partly at home.
+
+### Trip back home
+
+The hip hop was still on when my show ended. I took a detour on Broadway
+but still made it on time. At Grand Circus Park, an old man asked me if
+I knew any ATMs nearby as he didn't have a phone. I was cautious of my
+possessions as I took out my phone to look at the maps. So that's what
+it's like to be approached by a stranger. I fully realized the cringe of
+my actions earlier, and I understand why they reacted this way.
+
+I told him there's a PNC ATM at Broadway + John R.
+
+Once everyone was on the bus, the bus driver warned us not to use the
+bathroom, despite his best effort to disinfect it. I do not wish to see
+what's inside.
+
+## The dream
+
+At home I took a shower and went to bed.
+
+I dreamed of riding my new bicycle all around the town. I shifted gears at
+will. It was… surprisingly real, although I seemed to have remembered the
+numbers backwards. There was an uphill road where I had to get off and
+push the bike. But for the rest of my aimless journey, I rode as fast as
+the wind.
+
+I woke up as though I had rode perhaps 10 kilometers. But in reality, I've
+rode less than two. Is this wanderlust?
+
+## Conclusion
+
+- Thanks Chris for the trust and saving me 5 dollars
+- Fuck you USPS for sending my lock to Alabama
+- Can't believe how long I waited
+- Constant loud music is torture
+- Please stop playing songs with gunshots
+- Waiting for a show alone is peak alienation
+- Thanks Andy for making this slightly better
+- Sorry Laura I know what it feels like to be the Byronic hero now
+- Don't devote time on things nobody asked for
+- Earplugs are useful
+- I've crossed out another one of my [life goals](life_goals.md), despite
+  great pains
+- I will probably never go to an iDKHOW show ever again
+- I hope you found the ATM, random person
+- I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike
+- I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it where I like
+- Oh the lock is here?