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+# Fedi Shitpost Compilation
+
+As you may know, I occasionally engage in a recreational activity known as
+Shitposting, on the Federated Universe (Fedi). Here are some notable
+cases:
+
+(Typesetting notes: if the first line is __bold__, then it is a mastodon
+feature called "content warning"; clicking it expands the rest of the
+post.)
+
+## 2022-10-29
+
+1. predict the stock market
+2. ???
+3. prophet!
+
+## 2022-11-03
+
+evil polya be like
+
+how not to solve it
+
+## 2023-01-25
+
+panic! at the disbanding
+
+## 2023-03-23
+
+funnels imply the existence of painnels
+
+## 2023-04-08
+
+__being an electronic engineer be like__
+
+BOM:
+
+- LEDs, 0603, white, $0.096
+- Resistor pack, 4x1k, 0603, $0.024
+- ObscureSemi® OutOfStockMega™ 52M40L0PX181D, QFN32, $62
+- Capacitor, 22uF, 0805, $0.003
+
+## 2023-05-19
+
+__satire__
+
+kde is for furries. real MEN use xmonad
+
+## 2023-05-23
+
+SI be like:
+
+6*10^27 grams is so confusing let's give it a name. an intuitive name. one
+that is easily distinguishable. how about
+
+6 ronnagrams
+
+oh also 6*10^-27 is 6 rontograms because fuck you
+
+## 2023-05-24
+
+yeah im into hi-fi
+
+highly  
+intelligent  
+furry  
+individuals
+
+## 2023-06-15
+
+watching board of ceos talk about ai regulation be like
+
+🤡 🤡 🤡 ☝️🤓 🤡 🤡
+
+## 2023-06-17
+
+it's ok to ask for quotes from infinite companies to install a well in
+your farm, because there will always be a cheapest one. this is known as
+the well ordering principle
+
+## 2023-07-24
+
+your are intj. i am fsck. we are not the same
+
+## 2023-07-24
+
+\> buy expensive mountain bicycle
+
+\> park with all the other bikes
+
+\> kickstand keeps bike upright at 89.999 degrees
+
+\> tips over at slightest push
+
+\> damaged
+
+"why would people do this?!!?1?"
+
+## 2023-07-26
+
+web integriteez nuts
+
+## 2023-07-26
+
+my fav moment of the wandering earth is when earth said "its wanderin
+time" then yeeted itself out of the galaxy
+
+## 2023-07-30
+
+gonna treat myself and buy a Gibson Les Bian
+
+## 2023-07-31
+
+there's no such thing as Dijkstra's algorithm. he just looks at your graph
+real fast and says "yeah this one's shortest take it or leave it"
+
+## 2023-07-31
+
+everyone agrees sugar is the soul of any dessert, but my german friend
+thinks i should add a little weniger.
+
+## 2023-08-08
+
+__emo embedded engineers be like__
+
+my qemucal romance
+
+## 2023-08-16
+
+__chatgpt bullshit__
+
+[on a forum]  
+person 1: hey how can i do XYZ  
+person 2: idk shit about this topic but here&#39;s an answer by chatgpt  
+person 1: thanks
+
+narrator: the answer is, of course, wrong.
+
+## 2023-08-22
+
+__dream, birdsite__
+
+i had a dream that Unicode made a feature that you can combine any two
+characters into a single glyph ligature, but turns out it's recursive and
+that's how a random dude uploaded the entire Bible to Twitter in two
+characters (not one due to some artificial limit) and it crashed half of
+the clients
+
+## 2023-09-06
+
+why don't German people call it Ümläut
+
+## 2023-09-15
+
+__misinfo__
+
+trans people have colorful hair because electron orbital transitions emit
+photons of certain frequencies
+
+## 2023-09-17
+
+shop clerk: hey could you push your cart back with all the other carts
+
+me: why
+
+shop clerk: because `std::vector<ShoppingCart>` is stored in contiguous
+memory and if you don't put them back you're breaking the ADT's
+representational invariant
+
+## 2023-09-21
+
+explaining a math proof in sign language is challenging. it involves a lot
+of hand-waving.
+
+## 2023-09-21
+
+__typical piazza® experience__
+
+me: \*posts a question over discrepancy in instructor materials, with
+exact sources\*
+
+56 views, 0 answers
+
+9 consecutive posts literally titled "AG" or "autograder" about the
+autograder being unreachable: each gets answered in minutes
+
+## 2023-09-26
+
+german was invented in 1858 when the printing press ran out of space characters
+
+## 2023-09-30
+
+fedizens when a piece of software is c++ (it #includes \<algorithm\>
+without the user's consent)
+
+## 2023-10-01
+
+__bad__
+
+proctober (proctology october)
+
+## 2023-10-11
+
+__not screen reader friendly__
+
+listening to prog rock until they do a time change
+
+00:00 ▫️------------ 00:08 📶🔁
+
+## 2023-10-15
+
+medieval programmers be like "sure let me open my cmyk movable type box
+and wear my programming leggings"
+
+## 2023-10-18
+
+iupac: but it lasted only one femtosecond  
+me: i don't care, if it exists it exists. now name my element with 588 protons  
+iupac: Pentoctoctium  
+me: make it shorter  
+iupac: (\*sigh\*) Poo
+
+## 2023-10-20
+
+girls install debian  
+to become more lesbian  
+boys run void  
+to kiss more boys
+
+## 2023-10-23
+
+__germans when they have pizza for dinner__
+
+Gluten Abend
+
+## 2023-10-28
+
+ancient Chinese stories about someone doing something stupid often begin
+with their initial followed by their country of origin like "Liang, from
+the Qi kingdom" and i think that's a rudimentary form of "Florida man"
+
+## 2023-10-29
+
+__not screen reader friendly__
+
+german wordle be like
+
+🟥🟥🟨🟥🟨🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥🟥  
+🟥🟥🟥🟩🟨🟥🟥🟨🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥🟥🟥  
+🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥🟥🟩🟩🟥🟨🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩  
+🟩🟥🟥🟩🟨🟥🟩🟩🟥🟥🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩  
+🟩🟩🟩🟩🟥🟩🟩🟩🟥🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩  
+🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
+
+## 2023-10-30
+
+__if unix was invented in europe__
+
+cd ,,  
+echo €PATH
+
+## 2023-10-31
+
+furries have an unfair advantage at halloween costumes. fursuits should
+not count unless its a bat
+
+## 2023-10-31
+
+why did they name it "Michigan pride"and not Michigay
+
+## 2023-11-03
+
+__long__
+
+americans stop normalizing state codes
+
+especially on the internet when the context is unclear
+
+"I love Tulsa, OK" ← kthx but no need to be passive aggressive about it
+
+ask a non american what "IA" means. IowA? IndianA? group 1 alkali metal?
+
+"everyone should know this, it's common knowledge!"
+
+lmao literally no one outside of the states are responsible for knowing
+that
+
+how about we go in reverse? which province is gàn (赣)? which one is qián
+(黔)? this is what non-americans feel when we see shit like MA, MD, ME,
+MI, MN, MO, MS, and MT
+
+## 2023-11-05
+
+why isnt uc berkeley's furry club called uc barkley ugh i wanna screem
+
+## 2023-11-11
+
+__very important sentence from book i am reading__
+
+"Cats are equivalent in that they are to be petted, but gently, so that
+they do not claw. (Brown 1965, pp. 318-19)"
+
+## 2023-11-12
+
+football, the successor to the less popular variant, inchball
+
+## 2023-11-15
+
+Thus, if the child thinks a leopard says "meow", he or she may classify
+leopards as 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴.
+
+## 2023-11-24
+
+💬 linguistic knowledge of the day 🔤
+
+the chinese word 祭司 (priest, not necessarily christian) can be taken
+apart as:
+
+- 祭 (jì) ceremony of sacrifice
+- 司 (sī) person in control
+
+therefore we can conclude that, at some point in ancient chinese folk
+religion, an emcee dropped a sick beat
+
+## 2023-11-23
+
+__why was the 40W light bulb arrested?__
+
+public incandescency
+
+## 2023-11-28
+
+__book quote out of context__
+
+Let us take a situation […] in which there are […] no priests, no gays, no
+Moslems with only three wives, no Tarzans.
+
+## 2023-12-06
+
+when machine gun kelly dropped rap devil would you call that an ad eminem
+attack
+
+## 2023-12-11
+
+the three types of piazza posts the evening before exam:
+
+- need help for question 9.3 from fall '21
+
+- what's the difference between [pair of obscure concepts that are just up
+  to experience really]
+
+- hi can someone explain to me [the entirety of lecture 12-25] if it's not
+  [assumption that shows they haven't been to a single lecture in the past
+  two months]
+
+## 2023-12-19
+
+zeichne mit TikZ, um Till Tantau anzupissen
+
+## 2023-12-20
+
+__book quote out of context__
+
+a bike should no more have a carburetor than the pope should have a wife.
+
+## 2023-12-24
+
+*zufällig einen Mann küsst* entschwuldigung
+
+## 2023-12-24
+
+transcoders? yes I've seen a few
+
+## 2023-12-30
+
+rust is just a cargo cult
+
+this explains everything
+
+## 2024-01-18
+
+groceries imply the existence of shrinkceries
+
+## 2024-01-22
+
+me: so how does this "downtime-proof" power supply work?
+
+salesperson: it comes with serj protection
+
+## 2024-01-23
+
+me: i have a computer engineering debris.  
+interviewer: don't you mean degree?  
+me: no.  
+[four kilograms of leftover pcbs fall from the ceiling vent, killing interviewer instantly]
+
+## 2024-01-24
+
+- paranoid android
+- despotess iOS
+- lydian symbian
+- sucrose windows
+- voodoo ubuntu
+- comparted postmarket
+
+## 2024-01-26
+
+when the drummer misses a beat they're fired but when the whole band miss
+a beat it's called "progressive rock"
+
+## 2024-01-31
+
+me: I have deicided to become an atheist.  
+angel: don't you mean decided?  
+me: [throws bloodstained shovel over the cloud] no
+
+## 2024-02-05
+
+__misinfo__
+
+donald knuth invented computer modern to replace the badly kerned font on
+his computer modem
+
+## 2024-02-16
+
+[ in a cleanroom ]  
+tsmc employee: hey you can&#39;t just take these MOSFETs!  
+me: you said they were complimentary
+
+## 2024-02-19
+
+move at a medium pace and preserve current state of things
+
+## 2024-02-24
+
+department chair: sorry professor jones, publish or parish
+
+jones: that's - wait, don't you mean perish?
+
+chair: no. the campus chapel is now yours
+
+## 2024-02-26
+
+Kinderkennzeichnungs- und
+Kindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz
+
+__Erratum: Blyfh pointed out that the correct spelling for "child meat" is
+"Kinderfleisch", not "Kindfleisch".__
+
+## 2024-02-27
+
+if POSIX was so good how come there's no POSEVEN
+
+## 2024-03-02
+
+if i had a nickel every time my program integer overflowed i would have
+-2147483648 nickels
+
+## 2024-03-04
+
+__why does it take longer to bury a tarantula than a human?__
+
+the grave is eight feet underground
+
+## 2024-03-04
+
+page table base register was invented by a computer architect with
+a correct horse battery staple password generator
+
+## 2024-03-05
+
+__what do you call a touhou-themed german spa town?__
+
+Bad Apfel
+
+## 2024-03-06
+
+__what did the principal tell the student who was plagiarizing from
+chatgpt?__
+
+detention is all you need
+
+## 2024-03-08
+
+__what do you call switzerland in a war between diamond and graphite__
+
+carbon neutral
+
+## 2024-03-09
+
+[lunchbreak at popl]  
+me: I'm a rutaceae  
+unsuspecting person: oh cool have you checked out their new trait system- wait, what did you say again?  
+me: [takes off trenchcoat, revealing tree branches bearing grapefruit]
+
+## 2024-03-09
+
+__what killed the dragon electrician?__
+
+scale current
+
+## 2024-03-22
+
+__why are vinyl records not RoHS compliant?__
+
+there's a lead single on them
+
+## 2024-03-25
+
+__brain noise__
+
+oo wee oo i look just like bloody mary  
+oh oh and you're mirror on the wall
+
+## 2024-04-02
+
+interviewer: what's your name?  
+me: my name is Sirius Wright Não.  
+interviewer: \*inspects closer upon my resume\* you cannot be serious right now
+
+## 2024-04-19
+
+do you think the first person to invent music was rejected for being "too
+experimental" and "bird-esque"
+
+## 2024-04-24
+
+Ten Costliest Bugs Caused By Dangling Pointers - #48216913015 will surprise you
+
+## 2024-04-25
+
+electric engineers be like
+
+the capacitor is 0.000047 farads
+
+this is close enough to infinity
+
+## 2024-04-27
+
+__what do you call it when you contemplate the meaning of life for 15
+minutes?__
+
+a quarter ponder
+
+## 2024-06-13
+
+__why do ao3 writers make great HVAC mechanics?__
+
+they're good at fan fix
+
+## 2024-06-22
+
+Portugal. The Idea
+
+## 2024-06-24
+
+graduate texts in mathematics? no idea where you heard that bro, i know
+three of them and they all text in english
+
+## 2024-07-05
+
+__the most difficult German word is "Apfel".__
+
+once you've learned that, the rest is Apfel grabs.
+
+## 2024-07-10
+
+__kernel "developers" who only ever comment on other people's code and
+never write any be like__
+
+SIGVIRTUE
+
+## 2024-07-10
+
+__midwest emo? i find it__
+
+missourable
+
+## 2024-07-11
+
+__buenos aires if argentina was colonized by zoomers__
+
+chill vibes
diff --git a/docs/shitpost/haiku_2.md b/docs/shitpost/haiku_2.md
index 1c6d134..13b1cc8 100644
--- a/docs/shitpost/haiku_2.md
+++ b/docs/shitpost/haiku_2.md
@@ -32,3 +32,9 @@ Did they have gay sex?
 > "Violence is never…"  
 Shut the fuck up, centralist  
 Let me punch Nazis
+
+2024-07-05
+
+> "Stop the Encampment!"  
+My Brother in Christ, it's You  
+who made that happen
diff --git a/docs/shitpost/if_academia_worked_like_music.md b/docs/shitpost/if_academia_worked_like_music.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..506903f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/docs/shitpost/if_academia_worked_like_music.md
@@ -0,0 +1,89 @@
+# If Academia Worked Like Music
+
+2024-07-06
+
+You are an associate professor at the Fakeland University of Common
+Knowledge (FUCK). After years of hard work with your best friends Ethan
+and Albert (they go by Et and Al), you have 12 manuscripts you call
+"demos".
+
+You rent a lab space, larger and more professional than the one in your
+basement. The staff help you with cameras and stuff.
+
+After a two-week-long lab session, you take everything to your producer
+Oliver Leaf, who has every tool imaginable for LaTeX typesetting. He has
+the ability to get Nature to accept a CVS receipt.
+
+Over the duration of three months you sit together with Et, Al and Oliver
+to discuss what looks best in print. Sometimes it feels like torture. You
+commission artist Tik Zeichner to create a striking book cover.
+
+At the printing press, the .tex files are compiled to .pdf, printed out,
+and bound into a hardcover. You and your friends each take a copy and
+shoot some promotional photos.
+
+For the paper videos, you and Et Al do experiments in the most random
+places: on a frozen lake, in bed, on top of a skyscraper, etc. Contrary to
+what the video shows, the blowtorch doesn't actually melt quartz glass. At
+the end you smash a few Erlenmeyer flasks in slomo just cause you can.
+
+The opening paper is released along with its paper video. It's a smash hit
+(pun intended), although you had to cut the discussion entirely for the
+radio mix. One month later, you drop a more opinionated paper. It sparks
+controversy among your fanbase, which is needed for hype.
+
+The marketing team is working hard to plaster every billboard in every
+city with your abstract. Soon it becomes impossible to end a conversation
+without mentioning your name.
+
+On the day the book drops, you announce a world tour, which would be quite
+accurate if North America and Europe were the only two continents. But
+hey, Mexico technically counts as "Latin America" right?
+
+You show up at a surprise book signing party at a parking lot, before the
+police show up and cancel it. Your 20,000 fans are disappointed and soon
+riot. You narrowly escape.
+
+After a dozen interviews and promotional photoshoots, you read on the news
+that your book is "generally favorable". It's only been ten days but
+there's at least a hundred videos reproducing your reactions (called
+"reaction videos"), or cover a part thereof ("covers"). Most are cringe.
+
+Like everything else, ticket prices skyrocketed over the pandemic.
+A general admission ticket that used to cost 50 now costs 187. Your fans
+are complaining how TicketPastor® monopolizes live research.
+
+Opening for you on the tour are undergrads who work in the lab next door.
+But they specialize in wireless communication, a topic you doubt your
+audience is interested in. Their antenna had grounding issues and there
+was a constant hum.
+
+The crew help the undergrads clean up their workbench and leave. Then you
+enter the stage. Thunderous cheering. Et and Al walk on stage. More
+cheering. Neon signs that read "Your Research Saved My Life". You know
+that isn't true; they saved themselves.
+
+Your setlist opens with the opening chapter in the book, which segues into
+chapter 2. You then perform experiments from your previous books. The
+sixth paper requires a pot of beewax, so you move through the crowd to the
+Bee stage. The crowd cheers as you pass, trying to touch you without
+consent.
+
+The crew shove a portable table into the mosh pit for them to hold up. Al
+leaps off and surfs to the table, where he dilutes stock solutions into
+0.001M phosphate buffered saline. At the end, he throws one empty test
+tube into the pit. That's gotta sell for a hundred bucks on ebay.
+
+The show is over and you are exhausted. Some diehard fans, who you recall
+seeing just the night before, have waited two hours at the crew exit.
+Sure, instagram, tiktok, whatever. You crawl back into your touring van
+and basically just sleep there.
+
+Eleven months later, just as the tour is over, the RIAA (Research Industry
+Association of Anywhere) informs you that your book has been certified
+gold, which means it has sold 500k copies, where 150 library checkouts
+counts as one copy. It would have been way sooner if there wasn't so many
+Sci-Hubbers out there, but then you remember Sci-Hub saving your ass as an
+undergrad, so you can't really blame them.
+
+Time for more manuscripts.
diff --git a/docs/shitpost/index.md b/docs/shitpost/index.md
index acc4825..bac4a2c 100644
--- a/docs/shitpost/index.md
+++ b/docs/shitpost/index.md
@@ -13,3 +13,5 @@ precious time you could've spent more wisely elsewhere:
 - [Haiku collection 2](haiku_2.md)
 - [Writing A Blogpost Without Using Backspace](no_backspace.md)
 - [Cringiest song I've ever heard](cringiest_song.md)
+- [If Academia Worked Like Music](if_academia_worked_like_music.md)
+- [Fedi Shitpost Compilation](./fedi_shitpost.md)