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# How Your Ham Radio Can Help You in Wartime
2023-04-27
_Note: This post is satirical. Please do not actually do this in a crisis.
It is advised that you never do this in peacetime, either._
The radio amateur is patriotic. As ham radio operators, we are prepared to
fight for our country in case of invasion. What makes us different from
ordinary people is our skills and equipment. Here is how they can help you
in wartime.
## ICOM 7300
Few can match ICOM in build quality. This Japanese radio manufacturer is
known to make products that last. Mere shockwaves and bulletshells simply
cannot kill it. Solid as a rock, the ICOM 7300 is your perfect choice
whenever you need some height, weight, or both. Can't jump because you
lost a leg? No problem! Just step on your ICOM 7300, and get that aspirin
in the medicine cabinet. Afraid that the nuclear shockwave might dismantle
your tent? Just put four of them in the corners, and sleep like a baby
— nothing's gonna blow away 15 kilograms today!
## Yaesu FT5DR
Fabulous as it is, your trusty ICOM 7300 is not always there when you need
it. Sometimes all you have is a portable radio, like the renowned Yaesu
FT5DR.
So how can the FT5DR help you at the face of an invader? It's simple, but
requires a fair amount of agility and precision. If you ever find yourself
cornered, install the antenna, grip the FT5DR firmly, and stab them. If
you hit them at the right spot, they will bleed, and drop their weapon.
This is your chance to escape.
__Bonus point!__ The FT5DR is IPX7 waterproof, which ensures the blood of
your enemy does not damage the inner circuit board.
## Baofeng UV-5R
The UV-5R is a budget mobile transceiver, rated 5W and covering VHF and
UHF bands. Priced at $20, it is truly one of the most affordable beginner
models, and there exists plenty of documentation, including schematics.
This makes it an ideal choice for crafting IEDs. Once you have your
detonator set up, leave it on the doorsteps of your enemy and wait for the
dynamite to blow up.
Also, if you don't plan to make IEDs, the UV-5R makes a great flashlight.
## Kenwood TS-890S
We saved the best for the last. What makes Kenwood stand out among its
competitors is its experience in not only ham radio, but also professional
hi-fi audio and entertainment systems. It is a venerable company in all
these markets.
Kenwood makes hundreds of impressive products, and this model is no
exception. It transmits over HF at 100W, operates on CW, RTTY and PSK, and
has a fancy live spectrum monitor screen. Under ideal conditions, your
signal can reach any corner of the world.
When you find yourself direly injured and none of the therapies seem to
work, your Kenwood TS-890S can help you. First, wipe the blood off your
hand because you don't want a short circuit in any of the connectors.
Then, go somewhere to die alone. You don't want your radio waves to draw
hostile forces to your squadmates.
Using the last minutes of your life, key out your callsign one last time.
Your fingers might not be as swift, but your Kenwood compensates for it
with near-perfect fidelity, even across continents. Broadcast your final
message to the world over the air. Your friends will hear you. Your
enemies will hear you. The intel agencies will hear you. People sitting in
office chairs will not hear you, but if you try hard enough someone will
complain to them about you. The message may consist of only a few words,
such as "GM HR IS [your name] GOODBYE WORLD 73".
## Purpose of this overcomplicated shitpost
I once saw a similarly titled article written by a ham who took themselves
too seriously. In a war, either enlist and use the army stuff (which is
better quality than most amateur rig anyway), or be a civilian and shut
the fuck up.
You should never expose your location to invaders. Unfortunately, the
antenna of a radio does exactly that. The only scenario where I would push
the PTT button is if I fell into a hole, and radio is the only way out.
Otherwise, there is absolutely no reason to help your enemy triangulate
your air raid shelter.
## Image credits
- [Baofeng UV-5R](https://www.baofengradio.com/products/uv-5r)
- [Yaesu FT5DR](https://www.gpscentral.ca/product/yaesu-ft5dr/)
- [ICOM 7300](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01C95F56M)
- [Kenwood TS-890S](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07K1MHR48)
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