path: root/docs/music/at-the-risk-of-feeling-dumb.md

# At The Risk Of Feeling Dumb

"At The Risk Of Feeling Dumb" (ATR hereafter) is the second-to-last track
on twenty one pilots' 2024 record, _Clancy_. I've discussed it in [Review
of _Clancy_ (2024)](clancy_review.md) that it

>Starts off like circus music, but I feel it's the most serious song on
>the record. It tells you to check on your friends' mental health, no
>matter what they say — even at the risk of feeling dumb.

>It's also the track that "sounds like them" and "feels like them". They
>spread a message, like "Neon Gravestones". The strongest track, and
>energetic as well.

So naturally given the comically long summer break, I am gonna cover it.
From scratch.

The goal of this cover is not to reproduce the original; instead, I opted
to be more creative with sounds and arrangement.

While you read, you can open my [Faircamp](/jam) in a new tab and hit
play.

## What's in the song?

Oh boy.

Since it's from scratch, I could not reuse stems or sample the original.
This endeavor ended up being my most complicated audio project ever. There
are 52 tracks. Fifty-two. Ardour lags as I scroll up and down.

A synopsis:

- Synths: lead, 4 pads, vibraphone, harp, high-pitched hum
- Drums: 808, Black Pearl (plugin), and a real snare drum
- Vocals: main, falsetto, lofi, tenor, and rap
- Autotune for each pitched vocal track
- Ukulele: some with fuzz effects
- Bass, where one track is shifted one octave up to emulate guitar
- Samples: see below

### Samples

I had to be creative with household items.

- 0:00 - Cassette player
- 0:21 - Vernier calipers
- 0:22 - Spray bottle
- 0:55 - 2.54mm pin headers sliding against edge of table
- 0:56 - Ziploc of CR2032 battery holders (sounds like sleighbells)
- 2:12 - Two pencils
- 2:24 - Nitrile glove

## Timeline

I recorded ATR over 13 studio sessions (in my bedroom) in total. Eleven
were in the first half of June. Then I procrastinated two weeks. Then
I picked up where I left in early July.

Rather unconventionally, I recorded the track one part at a time, rather
than laying out a complete backing track before vocals. When I was
recording Chorus 2, for example, everything following that was blank.
Thus, I had no idea where I was going. I came up with most of the creative
ideas halfway.

Notable inspirations:

- The intro is sung along to tøp's "Friend, Please" (which carries the
  same message as ATR)
- "Nude" by Radiohead inspired the slap-like, one-octave-up bassline you
  hear in Chorus 2 thru 4
- Original Verse is a commentary on _Clancy_'s track listing
- I yanked the last bar of drums from "Levitate"

## Technical details

### Chord progression

Really simple song in terms of chord progression. Everything is G-Em-Bm-D
except the post-chorus where it's G-Em-Bm-A-D. Turned out challenging as
I had to improvise rhythmically to make the same chords interesting over
and over again.

### Mic rig

Mom bought a phone tripod with a swing arm. The threaded hole on the phone
clip is identical to that on the mic holder, so naturally, up it went. No
more stacking boxes under the short-ass mic stand.

I had no windshield so I improvised with a napkin wrapped around the wire
mesh tied with a rubber band. Can't keep out the hard P's though, so I had
to automate the fader.

### Balanced cable

I bought a balanced XLR cable to replace the XLR-quarter inch cable my mic
came with. The noise disappeared like the money in my wallet. 5/5 would
buy again.

### Drums

I used three drum kits in a single song.

OK, one of them is a single snare drum I practiced on when I was 12.
Played with Trench-era Josh Dun drumsticks. You can hear it in Chorus
2 and Post-Chorus 1. I did not record the rest on the drum, because my
neighbor might complain.

One day I was cleaning out some junk at my late great-grandparents' house
when I found my old electronic drumkit. I brought home the console, the
snare drum, and all the cables. With some hackery involving a MIDI-to-USB
adaptor I was able to record drums with real drumsticks. But I did not
because the drum pads worked just fine.

The Black Pearl kit was a late addition. Before that, I used a built-in
kit, but the snare lacked punch, and the crash is just not wet enough.
Luckily, I have a few drumkits installed for unknown reasons, and this
Black Pearl kit blew my mind.

### Pedal

There's a pair of pedal switches (cost like 10 CNY each) I bought back in
2019 for a kinetic game I made (which didn't work, btw). So I soldered the
wires to a cable with a quarter inch tip-ring plug so that the contacts
short when I stomp it. It functions as a sustain pedal for my keyboard and
hihat open-close control for the drum kit. Neither turned out useful but
they sound cool.

### Ukulele

Didn't have the money to buy a condenser mic so it is what it is.

### EQ & compressor

I recorded the kick, snare, hihat and other cymbals on separate tracks so
they have different EQs. I used "Calf Equalizer 5 Band". The kick is
lowpassed and sidechained to many other tracks (such as bass) to compress
them so they don't muddle the 60 Hz range.

### Autotune

Yes, my vocals are autotuned. The plugin is "x42-Autotune". To avoid
sounding like an unnamed rap star, I had to keep the correction ratio
below 0.6. For each group of pitched vocal tracks singing the same melody,
I have a MIDI track for the autotune plugin to refer to.

Sometimes I sing off-key so bad I have to do another take. And sometimes
the autotune overreacts so I have an automation track to taper down the
correction ratio temporarily.

### Cassette player

The click and whirr you hear at the beginning are a real AKAI cassette
player. I wish it worked. If it worked, I could have run my vocals through
an aux cable on tape and played it back to achieve physical lo-fi.

### Album cover

I reused assets from the recent reflow workshop 2. The color scheme is
inspired by _Clancy_ itself, and the title typesetting is inspired by
Radiohead's _In Rainbows_ (2007). The smoke is [a photo by Tigerzeng on
Wikimedia
Commons](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Candle_smoke_structure_1.jpg).

## Tools used

### Software

- Ardour: arrangement, recording, production
- Helm: synths
- Calf: plugins
- Black Pearl Drumkit: plugin
- Guitarix: plugins
- x42: plugins
- Krita: album cover
- Inkscape: album cover

### Hardware

- Interface: Behringer UMC22
- Headphones: Audio-Technica ATH-M20x
- Keyboard: AKAI MPK mini play
- Mic: Shure PGA48
- Bass: Ibanez GSR200
- Ukulele: second-hand "Nalu", model unknown
- Drumsticks: Zildjian Josh Dun "Trench" artist series
- Snare drum: Majestic AK14D

## Lyrics

Yanked from Genius. Differences:

- Added Intro
- I keep saying "on my lowest" instead of "at my lowest"
- Added Original Verse
- Numbered Choruses and Post-Choruses
- Minute changes in backing vocals

[Intro]  
I don't want anyone to drop anything for me  
  
[Chorus 1]  
I don't want anyone, know me or not  
See me [on] my lowest, you don't have to drop, drop, drop Don't have to  
drop by Nothin' you can do this time I don't want anyone, know me or not  
See me [on] my lowest, you don't have to drop Drop, drop, drop anything  
for me Just keep your plans, I hope that you never have to drop  
  
[Verse 1]  
Used to be you and me, matching Kawasaki Zs  
Ride around 270 in Kawasaki tees  
Two fighter jets matching energy  
Trying to forget that we're in ejection seats  
  
[Pre‐Chorus]  
So please, keep it in mind  
Check on your friends  
Every once in a while  
Even if they say  
  
[Chorus 2]  
I don't want anyone, know me or not  
See mе [on] my lowest, you don't have to drop, drop, drop  
Don't have to drop by  
Nothin' you can do this timе  
I don't want anyone, know me or not  
See me [on] my lowest, you don't have to drop  
Drop, drop, drop anything for me  
Just keep your plans, I hope that you never have to drop  
(Drop, drop, drop)  
  
[Post-Chorus 1]  
At the risk of feelin' dumb, check in  
It's not worth the risk of losin' a friend  
Even if they say  
"Just keep your plans, I hope that you never have to drop"  
  
[Original Verse]  
I can read your mind man, where is Tyler's verse man?  
Chill, let me have some words of my own man  
The new record, it's called Clancy  
On a scale of Trench, I'd say that it's a ninety  
Can't forgive The Craving so close to Lavish  
Your eyes are steamin' up? Here comes a colonoscopy  
Upbeat (yeah), down thoughts (nah), guess it's called tradition  
Thank you for your patience, program resumes shortly  
  
[Verse 2]  
If I'm bein' real, man, don't know how I feel, man  
'Bout you sleepin' so close to a weapon you conceal, man  
Those night terrors are not somethin' to take lightly  
I know that it's a risk sayin' this, don't fight me  
(Stoppin' me, fight me)  
(Stoppin' me, fight me)  
(Stoppin' me, fight me)  
  
[Chorus 3]  
I don't want anyone, know me or not  
See me [on] my lowest, you don't have to drop, drop, drop  
Don't have to drop by  
Nothin' you can do this time  
I don't want anyone, know me or not  
See me [on] my lowest, you don't have to drop  
(Drop, drop, drop) Anything for me  
(Stopping me, stopping me, stopping me)  
Just keep your plans, I hope that you never have to drop  
  
[Post-Chorus 2]  
At the risk of feelin' dumb, check in  
It's not worth the risk of losin' a friend  
Even if they say  
"Just keep your plans, I hope that you never have to drop"  
  
[Chorus 4]  
I don't want anyone, know me or not  
See me [on] my lowest, you don't have to drop  
Drop, drop, drop anything  
For me  
  
[Outro]