path: root/docs/random/2024-04-05.md

# 2024-04-05

Written 2024-04-06

Yesterday I:

- Bought a bicycle
- Attended a fairy tale discussion
- Went to an iDKHOW concert

Each of these deserves its permanent record so I'm writing it right here.

## Bicycle Deal

### Craigslist

In March I was tempted to buy a bicycle. Reasons:

- My 373 project is related to cycling
- I'm bored of walking all the time
- Cycling is an excuse of not going to the gym

I tried my roommate's bicycle earlier; it was rusty and the tires were
flat. Honestly I have no idea how strong his legs are if he actually
managed to propel this megatron of a bike. I asked him where he got it,
and he said craigslist. He met the seller outside Panda Express, north
campus, and paid $85.

There were three bikes on craigslist I was interested in: a mountain bike,
a road bike, and a cruiser. The road bike is slightly cheaper, but the
wheels seem too narrow to handle any adverse weather.

I reached out to Ed (W8EMV) on fedi for advice. He recommended mountain
bikes and told me about a bike repair co-op.

So on 2024-03-20, I shot an email to the seller of the mountain bike. It
was a Schwinn listed at $95. He responded the next day.

(Shoutout to craigslist for not requiring an account. The entire
conversation was done via email.)

I told him I don't have a car so I prefer to meet somewhere walkable from
me. We agreed on Kroger. We originally had planned to meet at the weekend
(2024-03-30 and -31) but my landlord decided the immediate Monday
(2024-04-01) was a good time to rip off the carpet and install some kind
of vinyl floor. Besides, I bought a U-lock on ebay and it's not here till
Monday.

We postponed the trade to 2024-04-05.

### The trade

I showed up 20 minutes too early, so I entered Kroger to buy a small
amount of groceries. The seller, Chris, arrived at 09:15 and brought me to
his car, from which he unmounted the bike.

Chris drove here from Grand Rapids, and is on his way to Detroit to see
something related to the Detroit Tigers. I told him I was going to Detroit
the same evening as well, to St. Andrew's Hall.

He bought the bike for his son originally, but he never really rode it.
"Bad for him, good for me," I said.

I heard dogs barking. He explained that it was his two dogs in carriers.

I asked him if he trusted me to give the bike a test ride around the
parking lot. He said yes, so that's what I did. He just sat back in his
car.

The bike was like the smoothest thing I've ever rode. The brakes work
perfectly. The tires were full, there was almost no defect, functional or
cosmetic. Say no more, I'm taking this baby.

I opened my wallet and counted 90 dollars. He stopped me right there. He
said, "It's good. Go buy yourself something to eat."

And that is how I got an almost new bike for $90.

### The lock

After I got the bike, the plan was:

- Ride directly to north campus
- Lock bike to campus bike rack
- Attend lab
- Ride home and lock to apartment bike rack

But the lock was delayed. It _was_ in Detroit; then somehow it went to
Alabama. I had to ride home and carry it to my bedroom, before walking to
the lab.

## Fairy tale discussion

The topic was Romanticism. I wasn't a fan of this topic because it's not
super relatable.

Romanticism was born as a critical response to the Enlightenment, or the
age of reason. Contrary to the science and rationality of Enlightenment,
Romanticism focused on the spiritual: human emotions, especially the
negative ones, called the "Nachtseite" (night side).

We discussed the Byronic hero, who is sick of the rational and feels
wanderlust, melancholy, misanthropy, and alienation.

We were asked to come up with examples in popular media. Mine was Jesus of
Suburbia, the protagonist of Green Day's _American Idiot_ (2004) who
escapes the suburbs to seek a new life in the city. Eventually, he finds
nothing and comes back home. Notable examples of Romantic emotion:

- "American Idiot": misanthropy. He is disgusted by a society "controlled
  by the media". Also the word "alienation" is literally in the chorus.
- "Jesus of Suburbia": wanderlust. The whole song the titular character
  curses society for its faults, which builds up to his final decision to
  leave home to find what he believes.
- "Are We the Waiting" and "Whatsername": melancholy. Just… listen to it.

My professor, Laura Okkema, relates to the Byronic hero, from her
experience of being alienated in American family gatherings. When I heard
it I just treated it as a light-hearted story. Big mistake; read on.

## iDKHOW

### Timeline

- 15:50 - I board the D2A2 bus at Blake Transit Center, Ann Arbor
- 16:00 - The bus departs
- 16:10 - I saw some cows
- 16:50 - The bus arrives at Grand Circus Park, Detroit
- 17:15 - I queue up in a parking lot behind St. Andrew's Hall*
- 19:20 - I finally get into the venue
- 20:00 - The opening act [Farhall](https://farhallmusic.com/) performs
- 21:00 - iDKHOW performs
- 22:30 - Show ends
- 22:55 - I board the bus back to AA
- 23:05 - The bus departs
- 23:55 - The bus arrives at BTC
- 00:?? - I board the Bursley-Baits bus from CCTC to Bursley
- 00:30 - I come home

\* Note: the venue is technically The Shelter, part of SAH

### Waiting outside

From 17:15 to 19:20, I waited outside. There were 20 or so people in the
line. A bunch of Detroit Tigers fans were vibing in a big tent nearby, in
a parking lot. The DJ put on some really loud hip hop.

I like hip hop. But the TR-808 was nonstop, and the synth bass was
indistinguishable from seismic waves. If you know me, I like dynamics, and
loud music for two hours is not dynamic. I hope they're having fun because
I sure am not.

I scanned the crowd. There were around 100 people, and probably one third
of them wore some sort of merch. A handful had VIP badges, and stood in
a different lane. I'm cool with that.

At one random moment Dallon (iDKHOW's only permanent member rn) walked out
of nowhere and the crowd cheered.

A guy stood behind me. His name is Andy and is from MSU, a graduate
student in physics, doing nucleus stuff. He discovered the band in the
pandemic and just randomly found out they were touring last month, so he
bought a ticket. I wish I could afford resale tickets that's like 5x the
face value.

He's totally chill, just having a casual Friday evening. He's not like
other fans. He did not know what the band's prior album is called. And
that's ok; I hate gatekeeping.

I forgot to have my ticket ready at the entrance, so I wasted five minutes
and ~20 people got ahead of me. As a consequence, I lost Andy and was
forced to spend the rest of the show alone.

### Waiting inside

Inside the venue a merch stall sold overpriced T-shirts and jackets.
I didn't bust my wallet. I headed to the restroom. The urinator was a wide
tub of ice (?) and apparently you can piss in it???

So anyway I joined the pit. It was dim af but there was something worse.

Music.

Music was blasting through all the loudspeakers. It was again nonstop,
crossfading into one another. I absolutely hate the vibes. The worst part
is the song that sampled a revolver. It goes like:

> *barrel roll* bang bang bang  
> *barrel roll* bang bang bang

On the other hand, one could argue that the song is, quite literally,
fire.

If I made music, the worst thing you could do with it is play it before
a show. I've never heard of it. It's not live. I did not consent to it.
Good songs become mediocre and average songs become shit.

I put on my earplugs.

### Farhall

The Benches, who were supposed to open for iDKHOW, were sick so Farhall
came last minute. Their voice is beautiful but unfortunately I was unable
to make out the lyrics. Genre-wise, it's indie pop.

### iDKHOW

After another forty minutes of miserable waiting, iDKHOW's touring members
came up stage followed by Dallon. They opened with a rather interesting
choice: "SPKOTHDVL" (speak of the devil), not a lead single. The first
line is "Your front page boy is finally here". Yeah Dallon sure you are.

The new record is titled _GLOOM DIVISION_ and there were explicit songs,
topic or lyrics. It was the first time he sang "fuck" and "bitch", and one
song was literally about sex. About three times at the show he advised the
audience below 25 to "cover your ears". lmao I'm wearing earplugs.

Little by little I pulled out the earplugs because I can't hear the crowd
and it blocked high frequencies. I removed them during my favorite songs,
and put them halfway back in during others.

My favorite song played live is ["A
Letter"](https://thebrobecks.bandcamp.com/track/a-letter), written before
iDKHOW's formation, when Dallon was in the band The Brobecks. He said it
was the band's "least popular song" if you look at the numbers. But he
added it was the best. I agree.

He split the crowd in half and instructed both sides to harmonize. He said
it was like church. It was indeed majestic.

In the middle of "Visitation of the Ghost", also a Brobecks song, he split
an aisle and walked down the middle while the crowd repeated the line "oh
my lord, lord lord lord". I'm an atheist so the one I was referring to was
actually the New Zealand singer.

Generally, the crowd knew the lyrics to older songs better, and I'm guilty
of that.

Dallon casually admitted to sampling a car horn in the ending track,
"iDIOTS OF Oz". We have achieved peak [xkcd #780](https://xkcd.com/780/).

Over the duration of the show, Dallon threw two picks, but neither was in
my range.

### The cringeworthy story of my PCBs

Warning: this story is cringe. If we ever meet in person, even if we're
friends, you are _not allowed_ to bring up this story.

<details markdown="1">
<summary>You have been warned</summary>

Last month I trained myself to use the Bantam CNC. I milled [9 iDKHOW
logos on a PCB](../projects/idkhow-pcb.md) and announced on Reddit that
I would be happy to give them out.

Only one person replied they would be coming. I told them my clothing and
location, but they were late. So I just stood there surrounded by
strangers, snatching the ziploc in my hand, hoping someone asks me what
they are.

Do you identify my fatal mistake? Yes — PCBs are a novel souvenir and I am
not socially competent enough to just hand them out to strangers. My nerd
brain had assumed that everyone would be dazzled by the beauty of copper,
but everyone was just minding their own business.

The problem was the fucking hip hop DJ. If there were no loud music,
I could have made a conversation in a break of silence. But in retrospect,
there is no evidence that I could pull that off.

The real issue is they came in pairs, even groups, and they're constantly
talking. I could not join their clique, or it wouldn't be a clique.

I tried Andy, who also came alone. He wasn't interested, and it would be
offensive to force anyone to take it. So I put them back in my pocket.
I was like sure, why not hand it out inside? It should be quiet there.

NOPE

I tried a guy next to me. I said "hey man, may I interest you with some
souvenir?" And he was like "no I'm good".

At this very moment I have fucked up. I sounded like a shady tour guide.
There is no convenient way in the English language to express a lack of
profit incentive, without building implicit trust with the person. That
takes time and conversation, but again the loud music forbids it. So fuck
you, music-through-the-loudspeaker-blaster.

After the opening act was done, a dad who was the guardian for his
daughter approached me to ask me whether I enjoyed it. I was compelled to
say yes. And as if it wasn't awkward enough, I offered my PCB.

I said, "Oh that reminds me, you can have one of these. I made them
myself."

He declined without even looking at them. And that was the correct choice.

I was a stranger. And the default option, when meeting a stranger, is to
not accept anything.

Hey, can you bring back the revolver song? Because I want to die.

All I wanted, at that point in time, is to get rid of the ziploc. Even
flushing it in the toilet would bring me relief. But copper and fiberglass
do not belong in residential sewage.

Basically I tried to drag myself as far away from the two people I talked
to as possible, but it was so crowded I could hardly move. So I was pinned
in this awkward location the entire show.

It was distilled alienation.

I admitted defeat and carried the ziploc back home. Every time I lay my
eyes on it, it incites violent thoughts.

It's the Nachtseite.
</details>

### The Nachtseite

On my way home, I sent this email to my professor.

>Hi Laura,
>
>I'm back from the Detroit show. This is the first live music event I ever
>attended outside campus. The one and a half hour where they actually
>performed was fire, so you can be assured I'm ok.
>
>But the four hours of waiting was traumatic. I was one of the few who
>came alone. I had imagined music would "bring us all together", but they
>had their own cliques and there was no humanly possible way to tap into
>a conversation without coming off as cringe. I feel alienated.
>
>The venue tortured my ears with music. Not bad, just unnecessarily loud.
>At one point I wished I could trace back to the studio to physically
>slash the drumhead. I feel misanthropy.
>
>At first I pretended to have a good time, but soon I stopped bothering.
>Bored (the irony is that their closing track is called "Boring") and
>wishing to teleport somewhere else. I feel melancholy *and* wanderlust.
>
>Clearly I've felt the Nachtseite (again ironically, they played a song
>called "Sunnyside"). It seems like I'm the Byronic romanticist hero, but
>as the show began, I returned to rationality because I know what is going
>on. Emotionally I'm not attached to the band and their early songs, and
>it feels like I'm the Clara in the room.
>
>Perhaps whether someone is a romanticist or enlightenment-ist can change
>depending on circumstance? Or, one could be both, at the same moment?
>
>also I'm having tinnitus.
>
>Yours,
>Frederick Yin

Note: Clara is a character in ETA Hoffmann's "The Sandman". She is always
rational in the story.

This email was composed partly on the bus, and partly at home.

### Trip back home

The hip hop was still on when my show ended. I took a detour on Broadway
but still made it on time. At Grand Circus Park, an old man asked me if
I knew any ATMs nearby as he didn't have a phone. I was cautious of my
possessions as I took out my phone to look at the maps. So that's what
it's like to be approached by a stranger. I fully realized the cringe of
my actions earlier, and I understand why they reacted this way.

I told him there's a PNC ATM at Broadway + John R.

Once everyone was on the bus, the bus driver warned us not to use the
bathroom, despite his best effort to disinfect it. I do not wish to see
what's inside.

## The dream

At home I took a shower and went to bed.

I dreamed of riding my new bicycle all around the town. I shifted gears at
will. It was… surprisingly real, although I seemed to have remembered the
numbers backwards. There was an uphill road where I had to get off and
push the bike. But for the rest of my aimless journey, I rode as fast as
the wind.

I woke up as though I had rode perhaps 10 kilometers. But in reality, I've
rode less than two. Is this wanderlust?

## Conclusion

- Thanks Chris for the trust and saving me 5 dollars
- Fuck you USPS for sending my lock to Alabama
- Can't believe how long I waited
- Constant loud music is torture
- Please stop playing songs with gunshots
- Waiting for a show alone is peak alienation
- Thanks Andy for making this slightly better
- Sorry Laura I know what it feels like to be the Byronic hero now
- Don't devote time on things nobody asked for
- Earplugs are useful
- I've crossed out another one of my [life goals](life_goals.md), despite
  great pains
- I will probably never go to an iDKHOW show ever again
- I hope you found the ATM, random person
- I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike
- I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it where I like
- Oh the lock is here?