path: root/docs/shitpost/fedi_shitpost.md

# Fedi Shitpost Compilation

As you may know, I occasionally engage in a recreational activity known as
Shitposting, on the Federated Universe (Fedi). Here are some notable
cases:

(Typesetting notes: if the first line is __bold__, then it is a mastodon
feature called "content warning"; clicking it expands the rest of the
post.)

## 2022-10-29

1. predict the stock market
2. ???
3. prophet!

## 2022-11-03

evil polya be like

how not to solve it

## 2023-01-25

panic! at the disbanding

## 2023-03-23

funnels imply the existence of painnels

## 2023-04-08

__being an electronic engineer be like__

BOM:

- LEDs, 0603, white, $0.096
- Resistor pack, 4x1k, 0603, $0.024
- ObscureSemi® OutOfStockMega™ 52M40L0PX181D, QFN32, $62
- Capacitor, 22uF, 0805, $0.003

## 2023-05-19

__satire__

kde is for furries. real MEN use xmonad

## 2023-05-23

SI be like:

6*10^27 grams is so confusing let's give it a name. an intuitive name. one
that is easily distinguishable. how about

6 ronnagrams

oh also 6*10^-27 is 6 rontograms because fuck you

## 2023-05-24

yeah im into hi-fi

highly  
intelligent  
furry  
individuals

## 2023-06-15

watching board of ceos talk about ai regulation be like

🤡 🤡 🤡 ☝️🤓 🤡 🤡

## 2023-06-17

it's ok to ask for quotes from infinite companies to install a well in
your farm, because there will always be a cheapest one. this is known as
the well ordering principle

## 2023-07-24

your are intj. i am fsck. we are not the same

## 2023-07-24

\> buy expensive mountain bicycle

\> park with all the other bikes

\> kickstand keeps bike upright at 89.999 degrees

\> tips over at slightest push

\> damaged

"why would people do this?!!?1?"

## 2023-07-26

web integriteez nuts

## 2023-07-26

my fav moment of the wandering earth is when earth said "its wanderin
time" then yeeted itself out of the galaxy

## 2023-07-30

gonna treat myself and buy a Gibson Les Bian

## 2023-07-31

there's no such thing as Dijkstra's algorithm. he just looks at your graph
real fast and says "yeah this one's shortest take it or leave it"

## 2023-07-31

everyone agrees sugar is the soul of any dessert, but my german friend
thinks i should add a little weniger.

## 2023-08-08

__emo embedded engineers be like__

my qemucal romance

## 2023-08-16

__chatgpt bullshit__

[on a forum]  
person 1: hey how can i do XYZ  
person 2: idk shit about this topic but here's an answer by chatgpt  
person 1: thanks

narrator: the answer is, of course, wrong.

## 2023-08-22

__dream, birdsite__

i had a dream that Unicode made a feature that you can combine any two
characters into a single glyph ligature, but turns out it's recursive and
that's how a random dude uploaded the entire Bible to Twitter in two
characters (not one due to some artificial limit) and it crashed half of
the clients

## 2023-09-06

why don't German people call it Ümläut

## 2023-09-15

__misinfo__

trans people have colorful hair because electron orbital transitions emit
photons of certain frequencies

## 2023-09-17

shop clerk: hey could you push your cart back with all the other carts

me: why

shop clerk: because `std::vector<ShoppingCart>` is stored in contiguous
memory and if you don't put them back you're breaking the ADT's
representational invariant

## 2023-09-21

explaining a math proof in sign language is challenging. it involves a lot
of hand-waving.

## 2023-09-21

__typical piazza® experience__

me: \*posts a question over discrepancy in instructor materials, with
exact sources\*

56 views, 0 answers

9 consecutive posts literally titled "AG" or "autograder" about the
autograder being unreachable: each gets answered in minutes

## 2023-09-26

german was invented in 1858 when the printing press ran out of space characters

## 2023-09-30

fedizens when a piece of software is c++ (it #includes \<algorithm\>
without the user's consent)

## 2023-10-01

__bad__

proctober (proctology october)

## 2023-10-11

__not screen reader friendly__

listening to prog rock until they do a time change

00:00 ▫️------------ 00:08 📶🔁

## 2023-10-15

medieval programmers be like "sure let me open my cmyk movable type box
and wear my programming leggings"

## 2023-10-18

iupac: but it lasted only one femtosecond  
me: i don't care, if it exists it exists. now name my element with 588 protons  
iupac: Pentoctoctium  
me: make it shorter  
iupac: (\*sigh\*) Poo

## 2023-10-20

girls install debian  
to become more lesbian  
boys run void  
to kiss more boys

## 2023-10-23

__germans when they have pizza for dinner__

Gluten Abend

## 2023-10-28

ancient Chinese stories about someone doing something stupid often begin
with their initial followed by their country of origin like "Liang, from
the Qi kingdom" and i think that's a rudimentary form of "Florida man"

## 2023-10-29

__not screen reader friendly__

german wordle be like

🟥🟥🟨🟥🟨🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥🟥  
🟥🟥🟥🟩🟨🟥🟥🟨🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥🟥🟥  
🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥🟥🟩🟩🟥🟨🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩  
🟩🟥🟥🟩🟨🟥🟩🟩🟥🟥🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩  
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟥🟩🟩🟩🟥🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩  
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

## 2023-10-30

__if unix was invented in europe__

cd ,,  
echo €PATH

## 2023-10-31

furries have an unfair advantage at halloween costumes. fursuits should
not count unless its a bat

## 2023-10-31

why did they name it "Michigan pride"and not Michigay

## 2023-11-03

__long__

americans stop normalizing state codes

especially on the internet when the context is unclear

"I love Tulsa, OK" ← kthx but no need to be passive aggressive about it

ask a non american what "IA" means. IowA? IndianA? group 1 alkali metal?

"everyone should know this, it's common knowledge!"

lmao literally no one outside of the states are responsible for knowing
that

how about we go in reverse? which province is gàn (赣)? which one is qián
(黔)? this is what non-americans feel when we see shit like MA, MD, ME,
MI, MN, MO, MS, and MT

## 2023-11-05

why isnt uc berkeley's furry club called uc barkley ugh i wanna screem

## 2023-11-11

__very important sentence from book i am reading__

"Cats are equivalent in that they are to be petted, but gently, so that
they do not claw. (Brown 1965, pp. 318-19)"

## 2023-11-12

football, the successor to the less popular variant, inchball

## 2023-11-15

Thus, if the child thinks a leopard says "meow", he or she may classify
leopards as 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴.

## 2023-11-24

💬 linguistic knowledge of the day 🔤

the chinese word 祭司 (priest, not necessarily christian) can be taken
apart as:

- 祭 (jì) ceremony of sacrifice
- 司 (sī) person in control

therefore we can conclude that, at some point in ancient chinese folk
religion, an emcee dropped a sick beat

## 2023-11-23

__why was the 40W light bulb arrested?__

public incandescency

## 2023-11-28

__book quote out of context__

Let us take a situation […] in which there are […] no priests, no gays, no
Moslems with only three wives, no Tarzans.

## 2023-12-06

when machine gun kelly dropped rap devil would you call that an ad eminem
attack

## 2023-12-11

the three types of piazza posts the evening before exam:

- need help for question 9.3 from fall '21

- what's the difference between [pair of obscure concepts that are just up
  to experience really]

- hi can someone explain to me [the entirety of lecture 12-25] if it's not
  [assumption that shows they haven't been to a single lecture in the past
  two months]

## 2023-12-19

zeichne mit TikZ, um Till Tantau anzupissen

## 2023-12-20

__book quote out of context__

a bike should no more have a carburetor than the pope should have a wife.

## 2023-12-24

*zufällig einen Mann küsst* entschwuldigung

## 2023-12-24

transcoders? yes I've seen a few

## 2023-12-30

rust is just a cargo cult

this explains everything

## 2024-01-18

groceries imply the existence of shrinkceries

## 2024-01-22

me: so how does this "downtime-proof" power supply work?

salesperson: it comes with serj protection

## 2024-01-23

me: i have a computer engineering debris.  
interviewer: don't you mean degree?  
me: no.  
[four kilograms of leftover pcbs fall from the ceiling vent, killing interviewer instantly]

## 2024-01-24

- paranoid android
- despotess iOS
- lydian symbian
- sucrose windows
- voodoo ubuntu
- comparted postmarket

## 2024-01-26

when the drummer misses a beat they're fired but when the whole band miss
a beat it's called "progressive rock"

## 2024-01-31

me: I have deicided to become an atheist.  
angel: don't you mean decided?  
me: [throws bloodstained shovel over the cloud] no

## 2024-02-05

__misinfo__

donald knuth invented computer modern to replace the badly kerned font on
his computer modem

## 2024-02-16

[ in a cleanroom ]  
tsmc employee: hey you can&#39;t just take these MOSFETs!  
me: you said they were complimentary

## 2024-02-19

move at a medium pace and preserve current state of things

## 2024-02-24

department chair: sorry professor jones, publish or parish

jones: that's - wait, don't you mean perish?

chair: no. the campus chapel is now yours

## 2024-02-26

Kinderkennzeichnungs- und
Kindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz

__Erratum: Blyfh pointed out that the correct spelling for "child meat" is
"Kinderfleisch", not "Kindfleisch".__

## 2024-02-27

if POSIX was so good how come there's no POSEVEN

## 2024-03-02

if i had a nickel every time my program integer overflowed i would have
-2147483648 nickels

## 2024-03-04

__why does it take longer to bury a tarantula than a human?__

the grave is eight feet underground

## 2024-03-04

page table base register was invented by a computer architect with
a correct horse battery staple password generator

## 2024-03-05

__what do you call a touhou-themed german spa town?__

Bad Apfel

## 2024-03-06

__what did the principal tell the student who was plagiarizing from
chatgpt?__

detention is all you need

## 2024-03-08

__what do you call switzerland in a war between diamond and graphite__

carbon neutral

## 2024-03-09

[lunchbreak at popl]  
me: I'm a rutaceae  
unsuspecting person: oh cool have you checked out their new trait system- wait, what did you say again?  
me: [takes off trenchcoat, revealing tree branches bearing grapefruit]

## 2024-03-09

__what killed the dragon electrician?__

scale current

## 2024-03-22

__why are vinyl records not RoHS compliant?__

there's a lead single on them

## 2024-03-25

__brain noise__

oo wee oo i look just like bloody mary  
oh oh and you're mirror on the wall

## 2024-04-02

interviewer: what's your name?  
me: my name is Sirius Wright Não.  
interviewer: \*inspects closer upon my resume\* you cannot be serious right now

## 2024-04-19

do you think the first person to invent music was rejected for being "too
experimental" and "bird-esque"

## 2024-04-24

Ten Costliest Bugs Caused By Dangling Pointers - #48216913015 will surprise you

## 2024-04-25

electric engineers be like

the capacitor is 0.000047 farads

this is close enough to infinity

## 2024-04-27

__what do you call it when you contemplate the meaning of life for 15
minutes?__

a quarter ponder

## 2024-06-13

__why do ao3 writers make great HVAC mechanics?__

they're good at fan fix

## 2024-06-22

Portugal. The Idea

## 2024-06-24

graduate texts in mathematics? no idea where you heard that bro, i know
three of them and they all text in english

## 2024-07-05

__the most difficult German word is "Apfel".__

once you've learned that, the rest is Apfel grabs.

## 2024-07-10

__kernel "developers" who only ever comment on other people's code and
never write any be like__

SIGVIRTUE

## 2024-07-10

__midwest emo? i find it__

missourable

## 2024-07-11

__buenos aires if argentina was colonized by zoomers__

chill vibes