diff options
author | Frederick Yin <fkfd@fkfd.me> | 2024-07-19 21:39:55 +0800 |
---|---|---|
committer | Frederick Yin <fkfd@fkfd.me> | 2024-07-19 21:39:55 +0800 |
commit | 9677144016e302a0dc61b8e26855ca842e2ba77a (patch) | |
tree | 0c25ccea5f1bdf16d18f404ad90cd15d1b68930e | |
parent | be3e685bd1ac9fbe92fd65874c4fa0e7a1192230 (diff) |
New post: shitpost/fedi_shitpost
-rw-r--r-- | docs/shitpost/fedi_shitpost.md | 582 | ||||
-rw-r--r-- | docs/shitpost/index.md | 1 |
2 files changed, 583 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/docs/shitpost/fedi_shitpost.md b/docs/shitpost/fedi_shitpost.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..38da7ff --- /dev/null +++ b/docs/shitpost/fedi_shitpost.md @@ -0,0 +1,582 @@ +# Fedi Shitpost Compilation + +As you may know, I occasionally engage in a recreational activity known as +Shitposting, on the Federated Universe (Fedi). Here are some notable +cases: + +(Typesetting notes: if the first line is __bold__, then it is a mastodon +feature called "content warning"; clicking it expands the rest of the +post.) + +## 2022-10-29 + +1. predict the stock market +2. ??? +3. prophet! + +## 2022-11-03 + +evil polya be like + +how not to solve it + +## 2023-01-25 + +panic! at the disbanding + +## 2023-03-23 + +funnels imply the existence of painnels + +## 2023-04-08 + +__being an electronic engineer be like__ + +BOM: + +- LEDs, 0603, white, $0.096 +- Resistor pack, 4x1k, 0603, $0.024 +- ObscureSemi® OutOfStockMega™ 52M40L0PX181D, QFN32, $62 +- Capacitor, 22uF, 0805, $0.003 + +## 2023-05-19 + +__satire__ + +kde is for furries. real MEN use xmonad + +## 2023-05-23 + +SI be like: + +6*10^27 grams is so confusing let's give it a name. an intuitive name. one +that is easily distinguishable. how about + +6 ronnagrams + +oh also 6*10^-27 is 6 rontograms because fuck you + +## 2023-05-24 + +yeah im into hi-fi + +highly +intelligent +furry +individuals + +## 2023-06-15 + +watching board of ceos talk about ai regulation be like + +🤡 🤡 🤡 ☝️🤓 🤡 🤡 + +## 2023-06-17 + +it's ok to ask for quotes from infinite companies to install a well in +your farm, because there will always be a cheapest one. this is known as +the well ordering principle + +## 2023-07-24 + +your are intj. i am fsck. we are not the same + +## 2023-07-24 + +\> buy expensive mountain bicycle + +\> park with all the other bikes + +\> kickstand keeps bike upright at 89.999 degrees + +\> tips over at slightest push + +\> damaged + +"why would people do this?!!?1?" + +## 2023-07-26 + +web integriteez nuts + +## 2023-07-26 + +my fav moment of the wandering earth is when earth said "its wanderin +time" then yeeted itself out of the galaxy + +## 2023-07-30 + +gonna treat myself and buy a Gibson Les Bian + +## 2023-07-31 + +there's no such thing as Dijkstra's algorithm. he just looks at your graph +real fast and says "yeah this one's shortest take it or leave it" + +## 2023-07-31 + +everyone agrees sugar is the soul of any dessert, but my german friend +thinks i should add a little weniger. + +## 2023-08-08 + +__emo embedded engineers be like__ + +my qemucal romance + +## 2023-08-16 + +__chatgpt bullshit__ + +[on a forum] +person 1: hey how can i do XYZ +person 2: idk shit about this topic but here's an answer by chatgpt +person 1: thanks + +narrator: the answer is, of course, wrong. + +## 2023-08-22 + +__dream, birdsite__ + +i had a dream that Unicode made a feature that you can combine any two +characters into a single glyph ligature, but turns out it's recursive and +that's how a random dude uploaded the entire Bible to Twitter in two +characters (not one due to some artificial limit) and it crashed half of +the clients + +## 2023-09-06 + +why don't German people call it Ümläut + +## 2023-09-15 + +__misinfo__ + +trans people have colorful hair because electron orbital transitions emit +photons of certain frequencies + +## 2023-09-17 + +shop clerk: hey could you push your cart back with all the other carts + +me: why + +shop clerk: because `std::vector<ShoppingCart>` is stored in contiguous +memory and if you don't put them back you're breaking the ADT's +representational invariant + +## 2023-09-21 + +explaining a math proof in sign language is challenging. it involves a lot +of hand-waving. + +## 2023-09-21 + +__typical piazza® experience__ + +me: \*posts a question over discrepancy in instructor materials, with +exact sources\* + +56 views, 0 answers + +9 consecutive posts literally titled "AG" or "autograder" about the +autograder being unreachable: each gets answered in minutes + +## 2023-09-26 + +german was invented in 1858 when the printing press ran out of space characters + +## 2023-09-30 + +fedizens when a piece of software is c++ (it #includes \<algorithm\> +without the user's consent) + +## 2023-10-01 + +__bad__ + +proctober (proctology october) + +## 2023-10-11 + +__not screen reader friendly__ + +listening to prog rock until they do a time change + +00:00 ▫️------------ 00:08 📶🔁 + +## 2023-10-15 + +medieval programmers be like "sure let me open my cmyk movable type box +and wear my programming leggings" + +## 2023-10-18 + +iupac: but it lasted only one femtosecond +me: i don't care, if it exists it exists. now name my element with 588 protons +iupac: Pentoctoctium +me: make it shorter +iupac: (\*sigh\*) Poo + +## 2023-10-20 + +girls install debian +to become more lesbian +boys run void +to kiss more boys + +## 2023-10-23 + +__germans when they have pizza for dinner__ + +Gluten Abend + +## 2023-10-28 + +ancient Chinese stories about someone doing something stupid often begin +with their initial followed by their country of origin like "Liang, from +the Qi kingdom" and i think that's a rudimentary form of "Florida man" + +## 2023-10-29 + +__not screen reader friendly__ + +german wordle be like + +🟥🟥🟨🟥🟨🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥🟥 +🟥🟥🟥🟩🟨🟥🟥🟨🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥🟥🟥 +🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥🟥🟩🟩🟥🟨🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩 +🟩🟥🟥🟩🟨🟥🟩🟩🟥🟥🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩 +🟩🟩🟩🟩🟥🟩🟩🟩🟥🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 +🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 + +## 2023-10-30 + +__if unix was invented in europe__ + +cd ,, +echo €PATH + +## 2023-10-31 + +furries have an unfair advantage at halloween costumes. fursuits should +not count unless its a bat + +## 2023-10-31 + +why did they name it "Michigan pride"and not Michigay + +## 2023-11-03 + +__long__ + +americans stop normalizing state codes + +especially on the internet when the context is unclear + +"I love Tulsa, OK" ← kthx but no need to be passive aggressive about it + +ask a non american what "IA" means. IowA? IndianA? group 1 alkali metal? + +"everyone should know this, it's common knowledge!" + +lmao literally no one outside of the states are responsible for knowing +that + +how about we go in reverse? which province is gàn (赣)? which one is qián +(黔)? this is what non-americans feel when we see shit like MA, MD, ME, +MI, MN, MO, MS, and MT + +## 2023-11-05 + +why isnt uc berkeley's furry club called uc barkley ugh i wanna screem + +## 2023-11-11 + +__very important sentence from book i am reading__ + +"Cats are equivalent in that they are to be petted, but gently, so that +they do not claw. (Brown 1965, pp. 318-19)" + +## 2023-11-12 + +football, the successor to the less popular variant, inchball + +## 2023-11-15 + +Thus, if the child thinks a leopard says "meow", he or she may classify +leopards as 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴. + +## 2023-11-24 + +💬 linguistic knowledge of the day 🔤 + +the chinese word 祭司 (priest, not necessarily christian) can be taken +apart as: + +- 祭 (jì) ceremony of sacrifice +- 司 (sī) person in control + +therefore we can conclude that, at some point in ancient chinese folk +religion, an emcee dropped a sick beat + +## 2023-11-23 + +__why was the 40W light bulb arrested?__ + +public incandescency + +## 2023-11-28 + +__book quote out of context__ + +Let us take a situation […] in which there are […] no priests, no gays, no +Moslems with only three wives, no Tarzans. + +## 2023-12-06 + +when machine gun kelly dropped rap devil would you call that an ad eminem +attack + +## 2023-12-11 + +the three types of piazza posts the evening before exam: + +- need help for question 9.3 from fall '21 + +- what's the difference between [pair of obscure concepts that are just up + to experience really] + +- hi can someone explain to me [the entirety of lecture 12-25] if it's not + [assumption that shows they haven't been to a single lecture in the past + two months] + +## 2023-12-19 + +zeichne mit TikZ, um Till Tantau anzupissen + +## 2023-12-20 + +__book quote out of context__ + +a bike should no more have a carburetor than the pope should have a wife. + +## 2023-12-24 + +*zufällig einen Mann küsst* entschwuldigung + +## 2023-12-24 + +transcoders? yes I've seen a few + +## 2023-12-30 + +rust is just a cargo cult + +this explains everything + +## 2024-01-18 + +groceries imply the existence of shrinkceries + +## 2024-01-22 + +me: so how does this "downtime-proof" power supply work? + +salesperson: it comes with serj protection + +## 2024-01-23 + +me: i have a computer engineering debris. +interviewer: don't you mean degree? +me: no. +[four kilograms of leftover pcbs fall from the ceiling vent, killing interviewer instantly] + +## 2024-01-24 + +- paranoid android +- despotess iOS +- lydian symbian +- sucrose windows +- voodoo ubuntu +- comparted postmarket + +## 2024-01-26 + +when the drummer misses a beat they're fired but when the whole band miss +a beat it's called "progressive rock" + +## 2024-01-31 + +me: I have deicided to become an atheist. +angel: don't you mean decided? +me: [throws bloodstained shovel over the cloud] no + +## 2024-02-05 + +__misinfo__ + +donald knuth invented computer modern to replace the badly kerned font on +his computer modem + +## 2024-02-16 + +[ in a cleanroom ] +tsmc employee: hey you can't just take these MOSFETs! +me: you said they were complimentary + +## 2024-02-19 + +move at a medium pace and preserve current state of things + +## 2024-02-24 + +department chair: sorry professor jones, publish or parish + +jones: that's - wait, don't you mean perish? + +chair: no. the campus chapel is now yours + +## 2024-02-26 + +Kinderkennzeichnungs- und +Kindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz + +__Erratum: Blyfh pointed out that the correct spelling for "child meat" is +"Kinderfleisch", not "Kindfleisch".__ + +## 2024-02-27 + +if POSIX was so good how come there's no POSEVEN + +## 2024-03-02 + +if i had a nickel every time my program integer overflowed i would have +-2147483648 nickels + +## 2024-03-04 + +__why does it take longer to bury a tarantula than a human?__ + +the grave is eight feet underground + +## 2024-03-04 + +page table base register was invented by a computer architect with +a correct horse battery staple password generator + +## 2024-03-05 + +__what do you call a touhou-themed german spa town?__ + +Bad Apfel + +## 2024-03-06 + +__what did the principal tell the student who was plagiarizing from +chatgpt?__ + +detention is all you need + +## 2024-03-08 + +__what do you call switzerland in a war between diamond and graphite__ + +carbon neutral + +## 2024-03-09 + +[lunchbreak at popl] +me: I'm a rutaceae +unsuspecting person: oh cool have you checked out their new trait system- wait, what did you say again? +me: [takes off trenchcoat, revealing tree branches bearing grapefruit] + +## 2024-03-09 + +__what killed the dragon electrician?__ + +scale current + +## 2024-03-22 + +__why are vinyl records not RoHS compliant?__ + +there's a lead single on them + +## 2024-03-25 + +__brain noise__ + +oo wee oo i look just like bloody mary +oh oh and you're mirror on the wall + +## 2024-04-02 + +interviewer: what's your name? +me: my name is Sirius Wright Não. +interviewer: \*inspects closer upon my resume\* you cannot be serious right now + +## 2024-04-19 + +do you think the first person to invent music was rejected for being "too +experimental" and "bird-esque" + +## 2024-04-24 + +Ten Costliest Bugs Caused By Dangling Pointers - #48216913015 will surprise you + +## 2024-04-25 + +electric engineers be like + +the capacitor is 0.000047 farads + +this is close enough to infinity + +## 2024-04-27 + +__what do you call it when you contemplate the meaning of life for 15 +minutes?__ + +a quarter ponder + +## 2024-06-13 + +__why do ao3 writers make great HVAC mechanics?__ + +they're good at fan fix + +## 2024-06-22 + +Portugal. The Idea + +## 2024-06-24 + +graduate texts in mathematics? no idea where you heard that bro, i know +three of them and they all text in english + +## 2024-07-05 + +__the most difficult German word is "Apfel".__ + +once you've learned that, the rest is Apfel grabs. + +## 2024-07-10 + +__kernel "developers" who only ever comment on other people's code and +never write any be like__ + +SIGVIRTUE + +## 2024-07-10 + +__midwest emo? i find it__ + +missourable + +## 2024-07-11 + +__buenos aires if argentina was colonized by zoomers__ + +chill vibes diff --git a/docs/shitpost/index.md b/docs/shitpost/index.md index 6f4e299..bac4a2c 100644 --- a/docs/shitpost/index.md +++ b/docs/shitpost/index.md @@ -14,3 +14,4 @@ precious time you could've spent more wisely elsewhere: - [Writing A Blogpost Without Using Backspace](no_backspace.md) - [Cringiest song I've ever heard](cringiest_song.md) - [If Academia Worked Like Music](if_academia_worked_like_music.md) +- [Fedi Shitpost Compilation](./fedi_shitpost.md) |